2 a.m.

its already 2 a.m. and i am still in the plant since after dinner.. waiting for the gas turbine testing to end..
at first running on full load at 4.2 MW supplying to UTP. my ME thermodynamic lecturer and my manufacturing lecturer (dr Amin) also come to the plant to see the test... i'm surprised that dr amin still remember my name.. and for them it is quite weird i'm wearing red coverall and not yellow coverall (petronas)
well.. nevermind.. what i am thinking now is just my room, my bed and my pillows... still got half an hour left before i can lay my head and rest.. sleepy already... sigh..

Mengapa Begitu?

Tadi aku kuar ipoh... macam biasa... sorang..
reminds me masa zaman-zaman jadi student first year kat utp dulu.. selalu je kuar ipoh solo.. ye la... nak ngorat orang masa tu tak berani.. skang pun sama la... cuma terbalik je.. skang ni orang plak ngorat kita kah kah kah... dunia nak terbalik ke?


tapi kalau setakat jeling-jeling aku buat dekk je.. tapi bila tengok orang lain jalan dengan awek tu terasa gak.. kita bila lak... tapi datang lak kata-kata dalam hati "ah! malaslah" nampak gayanye lambat lagi la... hahaha... orang kata kalau kita tak cari.. nanti akan datang sendiri kat kita... ye ke? perhaps...


tapi apa yang sure.. from this september to november.. i will not be able to find one... will be too busy handing over work and document... four petronas engineers have to handover their task and document to me... ONLY ME! coz in that power plant now... we have only 2 engineers. the plant manager and me!


just that i hope time raya nanti jangan tak dapat balik kampung sudah... dah nak setahun dah aku tak balik kampung... sekali jumpa abah... abah kata dia nampak kita dah lain, wajah dah berubah.. and so is mama..


saudara mara pun sama la.. tapi bila time raya gitu aku sure soalan kawen memang tak boleh nak elak lagi dah... so far sepupu2 yang sebaya hatta yang lagi muda sekali pun dah kawen.. aku lak tak dapat nak pegi... time raya nanti sure kena tanya bila bleh nak makan nasik minyak kita?
kalau diorang tanya gitu aku nak jawab
"bulan duabelas nanti... tapi tak tau lagi tahun bila... hahahaha... kalau nak cepat tolong le bawak bakal pengantin perempuan sekali..." (ayat yang last tu macam tak berani je aku nak cakap) hahahaha lantak la...

Lonely...

Its been a long time since I leave my sister home in sepang. Now I'm back for few days just to get all my stuff since I heard my boss wanted me to stay with my job in UTP. Since I left KLCC in the beginning of august 2005, I miss a few person that have nothing to do with the powerplant.. one I always have dinner together.. always give me useful advice for my life and my survival in KL.. just when I arrive in KL from perak I wanted to meet the person.. I call.. SMS.. but no replies.. frustrated, slowly I walked to the LRT station. Still in the LRT I tried to contact but it is still the same.. tired of the journey and not having enough sleep the nite before becoz of working on the night shift, still I tried..but everything was no use..

I change my transit in Bandar tasik selatan to ride a commuter to Nilai.. at that time my fever get worse added with the frustration.. last time I promise to meet in the end of august..and now I don't know what is happening between us..neither calls from the other side nor sms.. last time I was strong but this time I am really weak and down.. at home I showered, pray, ate my dinner without appetite and sleep.. that nite I sleep dreamless and followed with bad cough..

Early morning, I woke up and try to contact again but it is still the same..its been more than a week I didn't hear the voice.. today I think I have lost one of the most priceless person I ever met in life.. I had lost a few...but I losing this really make me down...when I leave this home and my growing up nephew and niece back in UTP I will be alone again...
Alone facing the workload and big responsibility without moral support...I'm on my own...

Lonely...
I'm so lonely...
I have nobody...
I'm on my own...

Sigh....

Escape From KLCC

at last i escaped (transfered) from KLCC plant...
i'm free....
no more mister sparkling...
no more bitch operation manager..
its just that my post have changed...
from rotating equipment engineer to Operation engineer..
big responsibility...
and have to do extra work!!
and staying far away from my family and friends and my personal asisstant..

Performance Review

hari jumaat lepas... secara mengejut ada performance review... bagitau pukul 10.. tapi performance review lepas solat jumaat... I feel there will be something wrong in it.. but I tell myself to be confident...

my maintenance manager make the intro to the review... but it is different.. performance review should be like a job interview... the staff should tell about what they do and all that stuff.. but this one... they talk and I listen... daymn! so I hear one by one point that he reviewed and I admit what he say some is true... and some are not.. I just say nothing..

then it is the turn of the plant manager... I listen one by one... totally I disagreed when he said I have no initiative... so to defend my self i tell him... last time I volunteer to work in day and night shift just for the sake of learning from the lowest staff in the organization until my real post as engineer, but he stop me to do that last time, because he said he want me to focused on mechanical handover... so I said what in the hell was that!! [silent... admitting his stupid fucking management i guess] but still he want to defend [ego?] " u can still join the shift at night" to hell with that... malas aku nak layan.. lantak kaulah 'mr sparkling' manage tak reti... mau cakap banyak.. sekali aku report sama director baru ko tau...

then it is the turn for this bloody bitch.. the operation manager... what in the fucking hell she has to do with maintenance engineer like me? still wants to comment about... my attitude?! FUCK! everybody else is ok with my attitude and u comment about my attitude?! WTF!!! I totally disagree with this bitch and defend my self... this bitch only making assumption from what she see... without knowing the real things happened behind... last time I use 'nenek' to pronounce her name with my friends... but now i pronounce her as A BITCH! patut la umur 40 tahun lebih tak kawen2 memang dasar BEEEEYAAAATTCCCHHHH!!! she licks the plant manager's ass to get credits..

after the performance review I tell all my colleague to condemn her during her overall performance review... and guess what... they also hate her since the first day communicate with this bitch...and some of em is making a big plan to make her miserable...

as for me... if I had a chance.. there will be something coming up for the things they do to me... or maybe just let what comes around, turns around...